Jenelle's bookshelf: read

The Story That Must Be Told: True Tales of Transformation, Vol. I Writers on the Edge Hungry Girl: Recipes and Survival Strategies for Guilt-Free Eating in the Real World Armageddon: The Cosmic Battle of the Ages The Remnant The Mark

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Tuesday, March 1, 2011

I Felt Like the Worse Mom Ever (yet again)

Yesterday after picking my daughter up from school, she was half asleep in the car. Usually I will carry her in the house, yesterday my lower back was hurting so I woke her up to make her walk into the house. She was complaining that she couldn’t walk and that her legs hurt and of course I was not having any part in that. I had a long day, I was tired, still had to make dinner and I wasn’t really in the mood. So I made her walk into the house. 

I was going through her backpack and noticed that she didn’t really eat her lunch or snack during the day. (Should have been my first clue something was wrong because she NEVER leaves food in lunch bag). When I asked her why she didn’t eat, she just said she wasn’t hungry but she wanted the rest of it for dinner. Okay fine with me. It was healthy and that means I didn’t have to worry about making her dinner.

Then it was homework time. My daughter LOVES doing her homework and never puts up a fuss. Clue #2. Doing homework was like pulling teeth. She wasn’t focused, she argued, debated with me for the first 3 pages of her homework. I was always wrong about the directions and she was going to do it herself. Okay fine.  I was so irritated at this point so I just walked away. (BTW : she did in fact did do her homework pages correctly all by herself…yes she is 4 and followed her homework directions).

Nonetheless, then all hell broke loose because she dropped her pencil on the floor and absolutely refused to pick it up. She wanted me to do it…ummm…no. I don’t think so. I told her to do it herself…and then come the water works…which I was not moved by one bit. My daughter told me that she couldn’t pick it up, she was tired, her legs hurt, or whatever excuse she could come up with.

Finally I had enough and so I picked up the pencil slammed it down on the table and scooped her up as she started screaming about not having finishing her homework. I told her “ENOUGH” it was bath time and she would finish her homework later.
Well it wasn’t until bath time that I realized that something was definitely wrong. She was only in the tub for about 5 mins and burst into tears and said she wanted to out of the tub. At that point I was done. No longer wanted to argue and just took her out of the bath.

 Then I took a good look at her as I was drying her off. Her eyes were slightly swollen, yet sunken in. She was hot, but not hot because she was in the tub, but like she was running a fever hot.  So I asked her “are you feeling okay” she looked up at me with sad brown eyes and said “no mommy I am not, everything hurts and I just want to go to sleep.” I asked her why didn’t she just say that earlier. Her response was “mommy I was trying to tell you all night & why don’t you know when little people aren’t feeling well?” OUCH!!! Yeah she was right she was trying to tell me in her own little way. I was busy thinking she was being bratty that it never crossed my mind that she could have been sick. I mean she never gets sick so never crossed my mom.

At that moment I felt like the worst mom ever. I know it wasn’t my fault but I just felt awful.

As a result, today I am working from home to be with her. I am sure that she could have went to school, but I felt soooo bad and guiltily that I kept her home and have been catering to her ever needs. Sure she is using me because I know she is feeling better…but that is okay with me  :-)

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